How and why and when and where to go?
How and why and when and where to go? [entries|friends|calendar]
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Don't feel like explaining much. [Sunday
May 21st, at 7:10pm]
Thank God summer is here.
I plan on doing a lot of nothing as often as possible.

That is, until July 9. Then its bye-bye for a couple weeks!

No, thank YOU. [Tuesday
November 29th, at 9:47pm]
Thank you to whoever stole my phone and iPod.
Thank you to teachers who make things up.
Thank you to kids who don't lave me alone.
Thank you to people that ruin lives.

Thank you for making me realize I'm so much better than all of you.

I am truly, honestly thankful for everything I have.
This is Thanksgiving almost a week late.

Whether you see it here or there: speak now or forever hold your peace.
Until the next time I am ready to relive the past. Just do SOMETHING.
2 / CMT

Yesterday was fun but as for today... [Sunday
October 30th, at 6:05pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I'm freezing cold because its 60 degrees in the house but according to my dad its "like 100" so I guess I have to sit here cold. Its not my fault if he's sick or stupid. Raechel and I are cold. Ugh.

Raechel has been grouchy for two days. I guess she expects me to put up with all of it. When she gets an attitude, and I give her one back, it automatically becomes my fault and I "started it." I get tired of dealing with that.

I'm falling into a rut, I can feel it. Its those forces of life that pull you down into something that it takes a long time to get out of. I try so hard to be a positive person. I'm trying so hard to convince myself its not that bad, I know its not THAT bad, but when does it get good? When will life stop being mediocre and start being fun and great? Some things are fun, some things are nice, but the rest of it I think I deserve a chance on.

My ears are honestly in pain from these iPod headphones. I HATE this kid of headphones. But its all I have for now, so I have to deal with it. Whoever invented these horrible devices should be shot. My iHome is already being stupid and I don't know how to fix it.

Does it make sense that I want to go away from everyone and have someone at the same time?

I need somewhere to go. I need something to do. I can't get my mind off of things. There is nothing, I can't go. I'm going crazy.

Save me.

1 / CMT

October 28th, at 9:01pm]
It isn't all about me.

If I have learned one thing this week, it is how much I appreciate the small things. It is that I would rather see someone else happy than get what I want. I wanted something this week and when I learned someone else had it, I couldn't have been more happy. This person deserved it much more than I did. This person is amazing and wonderful. I dont have it as bad as I make it. I complain but I am lucky. I am surrounded by so many amazing and wonderful people that I sometimes take advantage of. I dont always talk as much as I should or try to make people feel as happy as they make me feel but its hard. I dont know how to express my emotions at all. I never have. If I had one wish, it would be that I could just get out what I want to say and have someone understand. I wish I could hug people so they knew how much I loved them. I wish I could be happy. I wish I could be sad and not cover it up. I wish I could actually show anger instead of faking happiness. I wish I could yell. I wish I could love.

When I cry, I cry alone. I sit in my room and read papers and listen to words of songs. There are things in my heart that hurt me so much the thought makes me cry. There are thoughts that make me so happy I want to cry. I cannot share these thoughts with anyone. I dont WANT to hide them, but I have to. Sometimes I write things down but I still hurt. I still wait, and I still anticipate.

I am learning how to put these things aside. I am learning to give others a chance at learning who I am and being happy themselves. I would love nothing more than to see everyone I know be the happiest people alive. It means a lot to me to see someone smile. I want to be everyones friend. I want people to love me. I want to be loved.
1 / CMT

October 25th, at 8:31am]


Thats basically all. Have an awesome ten-twentyfive. :]

2 / CMT

Wilma. [Monday
October 24th, at 9:53am]
[ mood | calm ]

I got a bunch of neat stuff from the Asian grocery for my party.
The lady there was really nice and she told me stuff kids liked.
I want to try everything but I can't yet. We still have to go & get more.

School is cancelled because of this dumb hurricane.
Nothing is going to happen anyway. I'm not concerned.
They definitely overreacted to the situation.

I don't mind because I didn't want to go to school anyway.

My birthday. :]

Saturday morning is my family party.
I like family party thingies. I hope I get something neat.
Saturday night is going to be fun. I certainly hope, anyway.
Everyone dress up and go do cool things with usssss.

Party. Come! Please. :]


Connection. [Saturday
October 22nd, at 7:34pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I'm getting my computer fixed. I think. :]
Happaw is awesome. He has so many connections.
He's going to look into his connection at the Star Banner.
We really need a dang printer.

I went to the Flea Market today. Then some other places.
Got 3 new pairs of shoes. Yay.

Feels like Sunday for some reason. I'm glad it isn't.

I just had pizza. So much pizza. I'm tired of pizza.

I'll be seventeen in like 2 days. Neato.

2 / CMT

October 21st, at 9:28pm]
I'm bored.
Anthony sucks.
Nothing to do.

My life part II? [Thursday
October 20th, at 8:52pm]

I just like using cuts.Collapse )

1 / CMT

This is basically life. [Wednesday
October 19th, at 8:24pm]
Today is October 19, 2005 which seemed like a good enough day to tell how life is going. Its nice to go back and look to say, "Wow. This and that was going on a year ago." I've been neglecting my duties, so I thought I'd write how things are.

Basically, things are ok. There was an FBLA rally today at Chuck E. Cheese. It was a nice time, I think. I had fun bugging Mrs. Miller in her car. Charlotte is an awesome spider stomper. "Northview will defeat you; Stampede and bite you too; boogity boogity boo!" Heh. Silly kids. It was a nice time though. It had been a long time since I had been to a Chuck E. Cheese. You could tell it was created for people half our size. Everything was so low to the ground and small. Except not in a cute way, more like the annoying way. Pizza was funky but it was food. Other schools are dumb, we're obviously the best. :] It was a nice time, right?

I haven't driven any more lately. No where to go, I guess. I don't ever go anywhere.

My birthday is in about six days. Thats nice. I love birthdays. The big one-seven? Its not very exciting but seventeen does seem a lot older than sixteen, doesn't it? Maybe its just me. My sixteenth birthday was horrible, I hope this one is better.

I guess I have to bring Andrew's jacket back soon. Of course, he won't just say WHEN. But neither will I. He says I never talk to him but when I do he always seems mad. I think he's a stupid boy. I think all boys are stupid. The ones at school are, I've decided. I hate listening to all their stupid blah blah blah. They never have anything interesting to say. I don't like outspoken people most of the time. But its too hard to break through to the quiet people. I'm hopeless.

Oh and on that subject, I basically hate girls. Not my friends but I hate girls who always come around who are more outgoing than I am. I can't help the fact I'm not outgoing and make myself look like an idiot all the time. Whatever. I like to think being quiet is a good quality. Like I just explained. But no one appreciates that. I have to stop because I'm getting angry.

LOST in 30 minutes. I like that show...

I wish I had a hobby. Maybe I'll develop one.

My dad wants on the computer. I need mine fixed but it won't happen. If someone in my family reads this, I mean nothing against any of you. Cool. But just try not to freak out on me when I want to use this one still.

I basically don't know what to type about. Only things that make me angry. I'm too angry. I need to be more tolerant. I need to understand people better. Gosh, I thought I did.

Well, to my friends, you guys are cool.

Please don't hate me when I freak out one day. It could be soon.



October 14th, at 9:42pm]
I need a message to drop from the sky.
Basically, I need advice.

Dear LiveJournal,
Today I got my permit. I drove. I didn't get any of that empty-parking-lot stuff. My mom handed me the keys and said go. I'm not a bad driver, even though it was my first time.

I'll figure things out eventually.

I'm dumb. [Thursday
October 13th, at 8:22pm]
Sometimes I feel like cussing. I do it inside my head. I really just want to scream it out loud. Mom always said those words are for strong emotion. I think I have my emotions mixed up. Happiness doesn't call for it, neither does excitement. But as soon as something good happens, the words all come together at the tip of my tongue. I can't let them out. I hold it in. Its a feeling of almost exploding. I won't explode. Not from that anyway.

Its the anticipation, the disappointment, the waiting. Seeing, funny feeling. Thinking.

I count my chickens before they hatch. I wish I knew more about chickens. I think I know what I'm doing. I think I might have learned. I didn't. I won't. I do it all the time. The same exact thing, things. I jinx myself. I hate numbers.

But for some reason I'm not so concerned.

I'm setting myself up for nothing. I know it. It happens all the time. Why does the hope always exist, though? I'm angry with myself now. I'm naive. I hate this.

I just hate the lack of information. I wish things were easier. I think I make it harder than it has to be, but if it were truly easier, would it be this much fun? Probably not. I think I like it the way it is, I think I like the hoping, the anticipating, the being disappointed.

I want to cry. This is so different. No its not. This is like it was before. That was a nice time. I'd do anything...


I'm waiting for the big disappointment. All the small ones just help me not to break down when the time comes.

I should take my own advice.
1 / CMT

October 7th, at 9:20pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Yay! My room/closer has been clean for TWO WEEKS. I'm proud of myself.
A clean room, organized notebooks, doing well in school, having a party.
A stress-free life is the best you can have, and thats all there is to it.
I'm still debating what I want to do for my party. There are a few "themes" I like.
Charlotte & Joann say tribal but the "tribal" image I get is a tiki-luau thing.
I did that a while ago. I'm thinking about doing something Japanese.
Paper lanterns are really pretty. I love pretty things.

Mmhmm. Well. Lets see. I don't really update anymore. I guess nothings happened.
Don't know whats going down with the kids tomorrow. I'll see.
Presented a project today, I always have fun with that.
I get along with the family.
I'm gonna ask for a haircut tomorrow if we're not doing anything.
AND. I get my permit next Friday so watch out I'm learning how to DRIVE.

1 / CMT

October 2nd, at 7:16pm]
I think I'm moving my party again.
November 5th or 6th looks much better.
And not a Halloween Party.
What kind of party would be cool?
No alcohol, plz.
1 / CMT

September 24th, at 12:17pm]
Boys and girls lets get up and move it.

September 19th, at 9:18pm]

I hate missing him.

Reading books. I forgot how much I loved to read. I do love it. Lately I've forgotten a lot about myself but somehow its all returning. For once, I feel like my life is under control. Nothing is ever perfect, and I surely understand that. No one is ever completely happy. But things have been very good lately. I worry about my friends. But I have to realize I cannot control lives, people need to make their own choices. I made my own choices last year. I regret them, but I'm over it and I can be a better person now. Sometimes you have to sit back, look at your life, and figure things out. Do it. It works wonders.


1 / CMT

September 18th, at 5:16pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Excuse me while I LOL.
Fan club. That is pretty weird.
Come to my party, kids.

Yeah, whatevers.

Life is boring.


September 15th, at 5:13pm]
My party is going to be Sunday the 30th now.
Sorry for the confusion.
I cant compete with homecoming.
High School is stupid.

1 / CMT

September 13th, at 8:30pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I met them one year ago tomorrow. The Winsome Threesome began.
Winsome Threesome is falling apart, sadly.
But it will be alright in time.

I'm going back to California this summer.
I'll be in Silicon Valley/San Jose for a Technology Forum.
Being a nerd gets you places, kids.

The Shins are nice. Real nice.

Newspaper is neat! :] Thank you, Charlotte. You are great.

Hello best year ever.
Goodbye need for people's acceptance.



September 12th, at 8:06pm]

Beat, beat, beat.
Why do I do this?


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